Epiphany January 3, 2012
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Light Bulb Moments
a sermon by the Rev. Dawn Cooley
Delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on January 1, 2012
PS: This sermon is incomplete in that I barely scrape the surface on what I wanted to say, but it was either this, or a book. I chose the shorter route.
Reading
by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, in Women Who Run with the Wolves
Creativity is a shapechanger. One moment it takes this form, the next that. It is like a dazzling spirit who appears to us all, yet is hard to describe for no one agrees on what they saw in that brilliant flash. Are the wielding of pigments and canvas, or paint chips and wallpaper, evidence of its existence? How about pen and paper, flower borders on the garden path, building a university? Yes, yes. Ironing a collar well, cooking up a revolution? Yes. Touching with love the leaves of a plant, pulling down “the big deal,” tying off the loom, finding one’s voice, loving someone well? Yes. Catching the hot body of a the newborn, raising a child to adulthood, helping raise a nation from its knees? Yes. Tending to a marriage like the orchard it is, digging for psychic gold, find the shapely word, sewing a blue curtain? All are the creative life.
Sermon
Did you know that the 12 days of Christmas – famous for their lords a leaping and maids a milking, actually begin on December 25? I think I used to know this, but the focus seems to be on consumption from around Black Friday up through Christmas. That song that enumerates all the gifts the singer received from their true love? Well, I think many of us forget, like I did, that those 12 days begin, not end, on Christmas.
Instead, they end on January 6. The twelfth day of Christmas is the Feast of the Epiphany.
Now all of this is Christian liturgy, tied into Christmas being the birth of Jesus. And some of you might be a little ready to hear about something else, but bear with me on this.
The Feast of the Epiphany is when Christians celebrate the revelation of God as having taken human form in the baby Jesus. It is the day that the Wise Men arrived in Bethlehem, carrying with them the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. They had followed the star, which led them to the manger, where Jesus and his family still were in residence. The wise men looked upon Jesus and recognized him as the Son of God . Mary, Joseph and the Shepard obviously were already on board with Jesus’ holiness. They knew Jesus was to be king of the Jews, but it was the arrival of the Magi that proclaimed Jesus as Savior of the Gentiles as well – the savior for all people. And so began the tradition of the Feast of the Epiphany.
This year, we celebrated our child dedication today rather than last week. Because really, if we are with Sophia Fahs when she says that each night a child is born is a holy night, it is really the Epiphany, January 6, when we recognize the importance of the child outside of his or her family – when we affirm that child’s place in the community.
Now, the meaning of the word “epiphany” has changed over time. Whereas in the early 14th century, it was limited to this festival on January 6, by the 17th century the word was used more generally to speak of any divine revelation. And by the 19th century, the word “epiphany” was used in the general literary sense as any manifestation or revelation.
These days, the definition is even more broad. We use the word epiphany to describe an illuminating discovery, or realization. A life-changing moment, or “the sudden intuitive leap of understanding…; an illuminating realization or discovery, [that can] often result in a personal feeling of elation, awe, or wonder.”
An epiphany is one kind of what we sometimes call light-bulb moments. There are other kinds of light bulb moments – such as a 2×4 to the head, or even a “gradual dawning”, or my favorite one growing up: a “clue brick.” The difference between these other kinds of light bulb moments and epiphanies is that epiphanies change who we are.
We have light bulb moments much more than we have epiphanies. We have light bulb moments when things click into place. Or when something we have been struggling with becomes clear, or we suddenly see our way through the darkness. Kind of like the star that led the wise men to the baby Jesus, light bulb moments help us figure out where to go when we previously didn’t have a clue. Or, as in our reading this morning, they can be “dazzling spirits” that provide us with a brilliant flash. Like the one I had in the middle of the night a few nights ago when the outline for this sermon suddenly presented itself and I had to wake up and write it down.
Light bulb moments, both big ones like epiphanies or littler ones like knowing what words to put next on the page, are times when the creative spirit manifests in our lives. They are times when the synapses of our brains align and something new emerges.
It feels apt to be talking about the creative spirit on January 1. Indeed –
it is no coincidence that “Creation” is our ministry theme for this month – it is what our Covenant Groups will be talking about, and there are reflection and discussion questions in this month’s Steepletalk and in today’s order of service.
It is apt because today, we have a whole year ahead of us. The year is like a blank canvass on which to create our lives as a masterpiece. We make resolutions as a way of providing some structure through which the creative might work, through which our resolve might solidify: We will create ourselves as smarter or stronger this year through learning a new language or exercising regularly. If our lives are the canvass, January 1 is the time to pick up the brush.
Whether you make resolutions for the new year or not, I think we have to recognize that human beings are inherently creative. From the earliest of human history, we have created cave paintings – artistic and religious expressions of our hopes and fears, capturing that which we hold sacred.
We draw, we sing, we garden, we invent, we improve, we engineer, we design. We raise children – an ultimate act of creativity that calls out the best and worst of ourselves. We commit to another person, we love. We live our lives. All of this is an expression of our power to create.
Abraham Maslow was a psychologist most famous for his Pyramid of Needs. Many of you are probably familiar with this. He says the bottom, or base of the pyramid that represents our lives, are our physiological needs: food, water, sleep and sex. The next level on the pyramid are our safety needs: shelter, structure, a good retirement plan. The third level is our belonging needs: love, affection, children, community. The fourth level is our esteem needs: respect from others, recognition of our inherent worth and dignity, a sense of self-respect. The fifth level is the top level in the pyramid and represents self-actualization: the idea of being all that we can be, or, apropos to day’s topic, “the desire to fulfill one’s own unique creative potential.”
According to Maslow, we can not progress to the next level of the pyramid until the previous step is secure. For instance, we cannot focus on our esteem needs (the fourth level) until we have assured our physiological, safety and belonging needs (levels 1-3).
Regarding the creative spirit, Maslow asserts that “The key question isn’t “What fosters creativity?” But it is “Why in God’s name isn’t everyone creative? Where was the human potential lost? How was it crippled?” Maslow says he thinks “a good question might be not why do people create? But why do people not create or innovate?” The answer, according to him, is that we are unable to create when these other needs, lower down on the pyramid, are not met.
Maslow’s theory and pyramid have been much critiqued, and certainly they are incomplete. For instance, the search for food can cuase some people to become exceedingly creative. However, I think that he is onto something when he says that “We have got to abandon that sense of amazement in the face of creativity, as if it were a miracle if anybody created anything.” Instead, creativity is inherent in our being human. It is not what makes us human – we know other animals are creative – elephants, chimps and dolphins come to mind. It might not be the single thing that makes us human, but our ability to be creative is a core piece of what it means to be human. As theologian, philosopher and Unitarian historian Charles Hartshorne wrote “To be is to create.”
And when we each bring our own, individual creative spirits (in the forms of ideas, opinions, history, experiences) into a conversation with another person, when we experience a sort of creative interchange, we enhance what business communication consultants call the “shared pool of meaning.” This means that more information and creativity is available to everyone involved than would be present in just one person alone. As we deepen the shared pool of meaning, better decisions be made – our creative power increases.
So now, these ideas – that “to be is to create” and that creative interchange increases our capacity for individual creativity, is the core of what is called Process Theology.
There are many different forms of theology – I learned a bunch of them in seminary. But Process Theology is unique among them. It was originally formulated by mathematician and philosopher Alfred North Whitehead, his student Charles Hartshorne and their colleague, who was first ordained to the Presbyterian ministry but who later was fellowshipped with the Unitarians, Henry Nelson Wieman.
Process theology does not see the divine as an entity, as a being, but rather sees the divine as the creative process itself.
Wieman’s concept of “creative interchange” was as a way of integrating diverse perspectives so that people could understand each other, learn from each other, be corrected by each other, form a community with each other, and live in peace with each other. Wieman understood this creative interchange between people to be God, to be the divine.
This kinda gives a whole new meaning to Matthew 18:20, when Jesus says that “Wherever 2 or more are gathered, I am there” – doesn’t it? We often say that we come to church for fellowship with people with similar values. But perhaps what we really are coming for is this creative interchange that will help us better understand the world. Perhaps what we are really coming for is to participate in the experience of creating God, together.
The creative process, creative interchange, as the divine. It is a radically different way of looking at God, and it makes it absolutely impossible to talk about God as separate from humankind.
God as a process, not as an entity. The divine as creative interchange.
This theory of the divine as a process was radical for me. It was an epiphany that allowed me to reclaim the use of the name “God”. It was a life changing moment, not altogether unlike that of the magi, who together followed a star in order to gaze upon a babe. Not because that babe was anything other than human, but instead because that babe represented God itself – god as the creative force and potential that is inherent in all human beings.
Epiphany, epiphanies, light bulb moments, creative interchange, God. And then back again.
Every night a child is born is a sacred night, Fahs reminds us. And every child, every person, each of us, a child of God…creating the divine through the living of our lives.
For each and every one of us, may this year be a year of light bulb moments, maybe even an epiphany or two, and of creatively participating in the divine. Blessed be, and Happy New Year.
mission and incarnation. December 14, 2011
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Mission & Incarnation
A sermon by the Rev. Dawn Cooley
Delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on December 11, 2012
Reading #1
Excerpts from A Spirit of Fierce Unrest by the Rev. Vanessa Southern
Reading #2
A Lifelong Sharing, by Mother Teresa
Love cannot remain by itself–it has no meaning.
Love has to be put into action and that action is service.
Whatever form we are, able or disabled, rich or poor,
it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing;
a lifelong sharing of love with others.
Sermon
You may have noticed that I am not wearing my usual robe and stole today. No, today, I am in my bright yellow “Standing on the Side of Love” t-shirt and my wildly colored stole that is embroidered with gold morning glories, made for me by one of my mentors, the Rev. Kendyl Gibbons – someone who knew me well enough to know an explosion of color is just right.
While a robe and stole are my regular uniform for worship, this outfit has become my regular uniform for when I am being a prophetic voice in the larger community. It is what I wore to Occupy Louisville, it is what I will wear when the clergy gather in Frankfort in support of a statewide Fairness law. This is my public witness uniform.
I wear this uniform today because public witness is an important part of what we as Unitarian Universalists are called to do. We are called – perhaps by God or by our moral conviction – we are called to stand on the side of love.
And it has been noticed. Honestly, I was a bit skeptical about this bright yellow color – which has replaced the original blue. Skeptical because, well, this color doesn’t look good on very many people. But it is noticeable. I was recently more conservatively attired at a gathering where I was the only Unitarian Universalist. After I introduced myself as a UU minister, someone leaned over and said “I love you guys and your bright yellow shirts. Whenever I see them – on TV or in the media, I always feel so hopeful.”
Wow. Okay! So I have embraced the bright yellow shirt and it has become my public witness uniform.
I wear it this morning, here, because this is what we are talking about today. We are talking about what we are known for. We are talking about what we incarnate – what we embody. We are talking about what we, as a church, are about.
This is the second in a series of sermons I am doing, based loosely on the song we sang a few minutes ago: “Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?”
In the first sermon, given just over a month ago, I explored the idea of our church as a garden. I talked about how before we can harvest the power, we need to have a plan. And before we have a plan, we need to know where we come from.
Do you remember? First, I said, those of us in the church need to figure out what makes us whole. What saves us. Or, in seminary terms, what is our soteriology?
This then will lead us to reflect on how we want to be in the world: what we are. Or, again, in seminary terms, what is our missiology?
Which, finally, will determine how the church organizes itself, what the plan is. What is our ecclisiology?
Soteriology, leads to missiology, which leads to ecclisiology.
Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?
In November, I asked each of you to reflect on where you come from – to think about what it is that brings you to First Unitarian Church. And I asked you to bring your ideas and hopes to the Finding the Future Workshop on November 20. And you did! Thank you. We had a wonderful turnout, as you heard about a few moments ago from the Refining Team. They took the results from the workshop and turned it into something usable – a draft mission statement.
After exploring where we come from, the next step in this process is missiology. To name what it is that we are about. What are we? Remember, a mission statement isn’t just a nice phrase that we create and then forget about. It helps us know how to be and act in the world. It is something that guides us in our decision making, something that we can measure things up against. For instance, if someone brought up the idea of allowing a nutrition program that feeds 30-50 lunches to downtown senior citizens each day – a valuable program indeed but one that has no money for rent – we should be able to look at our mission statement and say “Is this something that we, as a church, are about?”
What is our missiology? What are we? Or, in other terms, what do we incarnate?
Incarnation is our ministry theme for this month, and there are reflection questions in your order of service and in the December Steepletalk. Our covenant groups are exploring incarmnation as their theme this month. This is a fitting time of year to talk about incarnation because the word is used a lot when we talk about the birth of Jesus, as the incarnation of God. Special, set apart, divine.
Now, I know incarnate is not a word we hear about very much in Unitarian Universalist churches. It is a word that some of us may even be uncomfortable with, a word that might give us flashbacks to our days in a religious tradition that perhaps no longer suites us.
But our Unitarian forebearers looked at incarnation a different way. Like most Unitarians, Jabez Sunderland, writing in 1901, saw at Jesus as human. If, however, Jesus was God incarnate, he said, so are the rest of us: “Yes, God was in Christ.” he says, and then he goes on to add “If we love one another, God dwelleth also in us.” So he affirms the divine incarnation not only in Jesus but also in all humanity.
This is a much more liberal view of incarnation, and of God. Where there is love, there is the Divine. As Unitarians and as Universalists, and now as Unitarian Universalists, we have always been about seeking to incarnate love. Reason, too, but even before that, love. Oh, don’t get, me wrong – we fail at it an awful lot, probably more often than we succeed. But we keep trying – that is a thread that runs through our history.
These days, the word incarnation can also be used even more broadly: it can be a synonym for “embody.” So when we ask ourselves what we want to incarnate as a congregation, we are asking what we want to embody. Which is pretty much the same thing as asking what we want to be. The same thing as asking: “What is our mission in the world?”
As a living religious tradition, Unitarian Universalists are maturing. Though our roots go back to the early centuries of the current era, our unique faith tradition started on our current path only 50 years ago.
For much of that time, we have defined what it means to be a UU by stating what we are not. We are NOT creedal, we are NOT a faith that asks you to leave your brain at the door, we are not going to tell you you are going to hell, we are not, we are not, we are not.
As our faith tradition matures, we are learning that defining ourselves as what we are not is not only uninspiring, but is seriously insufficient.
I had the awe inspiring experience of being one of the 400 Unitarian Universalist ministers at the Conference for Excellence in Ministry that my colleague, The Rev. Vanessa Southern spoke of in our first reading this morning. “Unitarian Universalists, lifesavers, mosaic makers, bone carriers” Kay Northcutt charged us “find your greatness!”
Our greatness. Our greatness cannot be found in a list of what we are not. Instead, our greatness is what we incarnate. Our greatness is what we live, what we embody. It is what our missiology is. It is what we are about.
Finding our greatness might save us, as a church and as a faith tradition, because we will know who we are, and stop spending so much time on who we are not.
So I ask us, here at First Unitarian Church: What is our greatness? Not our historical greatness. Not our greatness of 50 or 20 or 10 years ago. What is our greatness at this moment in time?
And we now have the beginnings of an answer.
Those of you who participated in the process so far have said that part of our greatness is that we are building a compassionate community that values differences.
This is an active phrase: building. It recognizes that we may not be fully there yet, but that being a compassionate community, where all are lovable and loved, is something we strive for, work towards. And that we value our differences. Not just tolerate. Not just appreciate. We value our differences. And this will get put to the test in coming months, as we are becoming more diverse theologically, ethnically, racially and politically.
Another part of our greatness is that we are serving our community in love. This connects us to our covenant when we claim that “Love is the spirit of this church,” but it takes it a step further. Love is the spirit of this church, and it is also how we serve our neighbors. Again we have action: we are serving. And as Carol read the quote from Mother Teresa a few minutes ago, “Love has to be put into action and that action is service. Whatever form we are..it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing.”
Another part of our greatness is that we are witnesses for a liberal religion with faith in humanity. We are not content to only let our light shine here, in this building, on Sunday morning. We are called to be out in the world, loving it and wanting it to the be the best it can be. Wearing our bright yellow shirts and standing on the side of love, being seen, and trusting that we can make a difference. We have seen it already! Ripples of our witness continue to spread.
And our greatness extends into the future, as we are guiding ourselves and the next generation toward hope, love, and peace. Gandhi wisely said that we must be the change we want in the world. If we want a world that moves towards hope, love, and peace, we must learn and practice it ourselves, and teach it to our children.
In a world that tells us we are not enough, that there is something wrong with us, that calls to us to consume, oppress, and turn our neighbor into our enemy, this is how we, the First Unitarian Church, aspire to incarnate love in the long tradition of Unitarian Universalism: We are building a compassionate community that values differences, serving our community in love, witnessing for a liberal religion with faith in humanity and guiding ourselves and the next generation in hope, love, and peace.
Those of you who continue in this process may tweak the words a bit in the coming weeks, but I am confidant that the core ideals will remain. Because this is what we are, this is our mission, this is our greatness. It is a tall order. And how to we make it happen? Ahh, well, you will have to come back this spring to hear the final sermon in this series: ecclesiology, or where are we going?
In the meantime, as we sang in our opening hymn this morning, people look east. Look east, to where the sun rises. A new day is here and love is on the way. May it be so. May we make it so.
widening the circle. November 22, 2011
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Widening the Circle, a service for Transgender Day of Remembrance
by the Rev. Dawn Cooley, delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on November 20, 2011
When it was announced that Chaz Bono was going to be on Dancing with the Stars, there was quite a reaction.
Chaz is the child of Sonny and Cher. Growing up, Chaz described himself as a male trapped in a female shell. The documentary “Becoming Chaz” chronicles his journey as he undertakes gender reassignment.
Oh yes, there was quite a reaction when the announcement was made. There had never been a transgender person on Dancing with the Stars. There was speculation about who his partner would be; oppressive groups demanded a boycott of the show; a pop-psychologist even went on FOX news warning parents that watching Chaz might make their daughters decide they want penises.
And, thankfully, there was reaction on the other end of the spectrum as well. Support from the transgender community and allies. Worry about the deluge of derogatory comments, the vitriol that Chaz was subjecting himself to. Hope, too, that his story might somehow pave the way toward a more understanding, more inclusive culture.
Though there was some controversy even in the trans community about Chaz’s suitability as a spokesperson, I think his parting comments when he was voted off the show in early October are inspiring: “I came on this show because I wanted to show America a different kind of man. I know that if there was somebody like me on TV when I was growing up my whole life would have been different. So I dedicate everything I did to people like me, especially to kids and teens who are struggling. You can have a wonderful and great life and be successful and happy.”
Chaz wanted to show kids and teenagers struggling with their gender identity that they are not alone. Kids like Haley.
Haley is profiled in Lisa Lings photojournalism essay “Our America” in the episode called “Transgender Lives.” Haley was born a biological boy. Her parents say that from the time she could express herself, she called herself a girl. Not only did she gravitate to dolls and flowers and pink, but her self-portraits were of a girl. In kindergarten, she got into an argument with the boys in the class, claiming she was a girl. She even chose her own name.
Her parents went to therapist after therapist. They kept hearing “Transgender.” Haley was 5. Haley’s father’s religion told them that there was something wrong with their child. He felt shame. It took him some time, and effort to come to a place where he now believes that Haley is who she is, that God made her just like she is.
Many transgender children grow up hating their bodies. They fall victim to higher rates of depression, suicide and drug addiction.
Haley’s parents choose to support her in hopes to save her from a future of heartache and pain. They are learning how to raise a healthy child, as opposed to a child who feels shame and secrecy about who she is. But her parents know it is going to get harder for her. They worry about adolescence, and puberty as Haley becomes more aware of her differences.
Haley is lucky. Her parents are supporting her as she figures out who she is, even as she moves away from the small boxes society would put her into. Most trans children don’t have this type of acceptance. Instead, they have to hide. Suppress who they are. And we know what happens when you have to hide and suppress part of who you are: a piece of you dies.
At the close of the episode, Ling wonders, what happens when a transgender child grows up?
Particularly on this Transgender Day of Remembrance, when we pause to honor and memorialize those who have been brutally murdered because they themselves were transgender, or because someone they loved is…the question of what happens when a transgender child grows up is not a small one. In this past year, we know of 22 people who were murdered as they tried to live authentic, whole lives. This number does not include deaths that were suspicious but not proven to be hate crimes. Put these together and you get over 200 people. And that still does not count the number of trans people who took their own lives – people who could not find a way to express who they were and so felt trapped.
It was through a suicidal trans teenager that I came to learn about this issue. Many many years ago, he came to me with his concerns as he began to explore his gender identity. We spent hours on the phone, in email. There was no one else he could turn to – his family tried to understand but just couldn’t.
In truth, I didn’t understand either. It was the first time someone had told me that they felt trapped in the wrong body. Sure, I had seen drag queens, but this was something different. As I listened to this young person talk, my heart just broke. It didn’t matter that I didn’t understand what it was like for him – what mattered was his pain. And how he felt there was no way out.
If you do not identify as a trans person, imagine with me, if you will, that you wake up every morning, and you see a stranger staring back at you in the mirror. The shell, the outside, does not match who you are on inside. For many, transformation is the only chance they have to love themselves and to try to fit into the world. The Rev. Paul Langston Daly is a Unitarian Universalist minister who identifies as a trans person. He tells us that “Living authentically takes courage, strength, and above all, faith.”
Faith in yourself. Faith that it can get better, that you can live a full, whole authentic life and be accepted for who you are. Faith that you can find love. Faith that there is a community out there that will embrace you, support you, walk with you on this journey.
It was through my experience with a suicidal trans teenager, who thankfully did not kill himself, that I came to learn how hard it can be, and how absolutely necessary it is, to live true to ourselves – to not put ourselves into a box that may be more acceptable by society but that kills a piece of us. Through my experience with this young person, I became inspired to learn. I began to devour everything that came my way about the trans experience: books, articles, documentaries, movies, fiction, non-fiction, memoirs.
If we want to be an ally for the trans members already in our community (those we know of, and those who we don’t, adults, youth or children who might be struggling with this issue right now). If we want to be allies for them, and for the trans people who might desperately be seeking our community, this is how we begin: through educating ourselves.
When we educate ourselves, we have to begin with language – we start by understanding the various expressions and stages of the vast umbrella we label as trans, which can include (but is not limited to) people who identify as genderqueer, third gender, gender fluid, or two spirit; some intersex individuals; transsexuals; crossdressers; and all self-identified trans people.
If you are new to these concepts, then these terms may have just totally overwhelmed you, so let me elaborate.
We are all assigned a biological sex at birth, for example male, female, or intersex. Intersex is a general term used for a variety of genetic, hormonal, or anatomical conditions in which a person is born with a reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male. Some of you may recall the term hermaphrodite from your youth. Today, this is an obsolete term that is considered absolutely inappropriate.
When a child is born intersex, many doctors and parents panic and rush to correct with surgery what they see as a problem. This intervention causes more harm than good, however, and can lead to mental and physical difficulties later in life. Some intersex individuals identify as transgender while others do not.
So we are all assigned a biological sex at birth, but gender is something that we choose for ourselves. We call this “gender identity.” It may or may not match our biological sex. And it may or may not match how we present to the world: our gender expression.
When our biological sex, our gender identity and our gender expression align, we are called “cisgender” – cis, which means on the same side, whereas trans means “across.” For example, I am a cisgender female: my biological sex at birth matches my gender identity, which matches my gender expression.
We live in a society that is called “gender binary” – which means we only have 2 acceptable choices: either male, or female. This is very limiting, and discounts a whole lot of ways to live the human experience. But it makes it easier to put people in boxes: men are masculine, and there is a whole list of characteristics that describe what it means to be male. Women are feminine, and there is a whole list of characteristics that describe what it means to be female. It is when we don’t fit into these little boxes that society doesn’t usually know what to do with us.
There can be a lot of confusion between the term transgender and transsexual. The word transgender was first coined as a way of distinguishing gender variant people with no desire for surgery or hormones from transsexuals, who did desire to legally and medically change their sex. More recently, however, transgender (or trans) has become an umbrella term that is used to include all people who transgress dominant conceptions of gender, or at least all people who identify themselves as doing so.
The trans community may also include crossdressers. Cross-dressing refers to occasionally wearing clothing of the “opposite” gender, and someone who considers this an integral part of their identity may identify as a crossdresser. Today, the term crossdresser is preferable to “transvestite” and neither should be used to describe a transsexual person because a person who is transexual has changed their sex and thus are dressing appropriate to their gender identity and expression.
The labels genderqueer, third gender, gender fluid, or two spirit are sometimes used by people who feel between or outside the gender binary. Individuals may identify as being neither man nor woman, as a little bit of both, as outside the binary, or they may simply feel restricted by gender labels. Two spirit is a term derived from the traditions of some Native North American cultures, and can mean a mixture of masculine and feminine spirits living in the same body. The existence of two spirit people in Native American culture is one of the reasons why the conquering Europeans believed Native culture was inferior and primitive compared to their own. I have to shake my head at this one, as I believe the Native American people got this one (and a whole lot else) right.
You may have noticed that I am not talking about sexual orientation at all. This is because gender identity and sexual orientation are not at all related. Just as a cisgender person might be gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual or consider themselves queer or questioning, so too can a transgender person be gay, lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual or consider themselves queer or questioning.
This can be very confusing for some folks who want to connect sexual orientation with gender identity: if you liked women, they may say to a male to female transgender woman, why didn’t you just stay a guy? Sexual orientation is not correlated with gender identity.
This is a lot of information, and a lot of terminology to understand. As I wrote this sermon, I had to keep editing to make sure I used the terms correctly, so know that it is an ongoing learning process. I invite you to visit the Unitarian Universalist Association’s Identity Ministry website. They have a “Transgender 101” page that explains all this, and more.
If you cannot keep all this in your head, I invite you to hold this: gender expression and identity come in a vast array, rather than simply male and female. The first step in being able to best support the trans members of our community is to learn.
Another step is to respect a person’s identity and self-label, and respect a person’s chosen name and pronoun preference. This is also a way that you can assess if someone else is an ally, whether that person is a journalist, in the news media, or another person in the room. Allies will respect a person’s chosen name and pronoun preference. For instance, if you see Chaz referred to by his birth name, or referred to as “she”, then you can be confidant that the person speaking or writing is not an ally to the trans community. Going against a trans person’s wishes in this manner is a form of power-taking, a form of violence, a form of abuse. It says “I refuse to recognize you on your terms. I will put you into this box and disrespect you.”
So using a person’s chosen name and pronoun preference is important to creating a safe place for trans people. But since you don’t want to make any assumptions, how are you to know? Well, there are a variety of tips I can recommend from my own personal experience. One is to listen, intently, to the trans-person when they talk. It can give clues. Another is to listen, or ask, someone who knows the trans-person and might have insight to offer. Or, when that fails, ask. It can be uncomfortable – for both of you – but if you ask well, it can also be a trust building moment. “I am sorry to have to ask you this, but I want to make sure I treat you with respect. What pronoun would you prefer I use when referring to you?”
Connected to this is to see the person, not the label. I remember when John and I visited a very white-haired church when we were young adults. A few of the members flocked to us at coffee hour after the service and said how glad they were to have people like us there. They meant “young” and I know they meant well. But I walked away from that transaction feeling as though they had put me into a box and seen me only as a desirable demographic, not as a person with specific gifts, talents and needs. If we want a person to feel seen and cared for for who they are, we should not tokenize them in this way, whether they are a young person, a person of color, a trans-person, or anyone else. “People like you” is not an affirmative statement.
Also, and here is one that I am currently working on, we can use terms that encompass all genders rather than only two. For instance, we can say “children” instead of “boys and girls”. We can say “people” instead of “women and men.” I found myself falling into this trap quite a lot recently. As the mother of two biological girls, I would say “Take the girls to the zoo” or “My girls are super sweet.” Or, particularly in email, if I am addressing it to all women, I will often say “Hi ladies!” as a greeting. But these terms are exclusive rather than inclusive, and they assume I know everyone’s gender identity. And what happens when I assume? So I am trying to refer to my kids rather than my daughters more, and I am trying to use a more general greeting in email and other places.
These are just a few steps we can take in our own lives to be more welcoming to trans-people. There are steps we can take as a church community, as well. We can make sure that anytime our literature asks you to identify as male or female that there is an option for transgender and a option for other. We can and soon will be better publicizing that we have a gender-neutral restroom on our second floor for people who prefer such an option. You don’t have to use it, but it is available if you prefer. And we can talk to our kids about this, too. One of my proudest moments as a parent was when one of my kids, in preschool, told her teacher that yes her classmate could grow up to be a girl if he wanted to.
If we at First U want to be a safe community where transgender people can find the love, support, and acceptance that they need and deserve; If we want to be a place where they might be met with love, instead of violence; If we want to be allies instead of oppressors, let us start with drawing circles instead of boxes. Circles, that go wider and wider, until they include and embrace the variety of ways that there are for expressing our true selves. On this Transgender Day of Remembrance, let us ensure that we are not part of the violence. Let us stand on the side of love.
harvesting the power. November 10, 2011
Posted by Rev. Dawn in Uncategorized.3 comments
Otherwise known as, Part 1.
By the Rev. Dawn Cooley
Delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on November 6, 2011.
“After the digging, after the planting, after the long season of tending and growth, the harvest comes.”
Don’t you ever wish that you could just skip straight to it – skip straight to enjoying the fruits of your harvest? I know many of you like to garden, but still – don’t you sometimes wish that your garden didn’t take quite so much time, and work?
As I have shared several times, I had a garden for the first time this year. And it was a very positive experience on the whole. I am still getting tomatoes.
But I didn’t do the steps that Linette described in our moment for all ages. I had no plan. I just went to the store and picked out plants and stuck them in the ground. I had no idea what I was doing. And for a while, that worked just fine. Except then all the vines died – cucumber beetles that spread from one to the other like wildfire. And then I plucked my peppers before they were ripe. And then my poor Brussels sprout, which I thought I had saved, shriveled and turned black and my broccoli somehow bloomed before I thought it was even ready to pick.
I tried planting some cold weather greens, but despite my fence I think the squirrels dug them up. Or something. I really have no idea.
I ended up with some delicious green beans, a plethora of basil, 4 green peppers and an eatable amount of tomatoes. Worth it for a first try, perhaps, but definitely not anywhere near as much as I would have gotten if I had had a plan.
A plan that would have started by asking myself what I wanted to grow. Then I would have chosen seeds, prepared the soil, planted the seeds. I would have spent more time out there examining the plants for pests, nurturing them. If I had had a plan, and had followed it, my harvest would have been much more bountiful.
In a lot of ways, First Unitarian Church is like a garden. There have been some very successful things going on here! In the short amount of time I have been here, we have created a Worship Associates program, started up small group ministry with our Covenant Groups, reconstituted a Congregational Care Team. We have seen the Mission and Outreach ministry take off, the start of a Healthy Initiatives program, First Sunday lunches, a children’s choir, an orchestra, and so,so much more.
But we have not had a plan for a while, and so we have kinda started programs haphazardly. Sometimes we feel like doing the watering and weeding necessary to keep things going. Other times, not so much; like with having to stop Wednesday Chalice Night programs. And we seem to spend a lot of time in crisis mode, fighting little fires that flare up – fires that distract us from the important work of creating a plan.
As a result, I think that we are like my garden: we have some yield, and some great things going on. But without a plan, its sorta chaotic and haphazard. If we want to harvest the true power of this church, we need a plan.
That is why the Finding the Future team is embarking on helping the church to create a plan: to help us get a bountiful harvest, to help us figure out where we are going.
“Where are we going?”
But even before the plan, we have to do some foundational work. Where is the garden going to go? Does the area get enough light? And we have to figure out what kind of soil we have – what is the pH level? How much clay or sand is in it? So even before we have a plan, we have to look at what we have to work with.
Like in the song, “What are we?” must come before “Where are we going?”
The Finding the Future team knows this. And so before they can find our future, before they can help us to create a long range plan, they are engaging us, the congregation, in a dialogue around what we are. The answer begins with something like “We are a church that….”
Now, you might hear this “what are we?” conversation talked about as creating a mission statement. We are going to engage in a process of writing a mission. And for some of you, this might elicit some groans. Again? Well, yes. And no.
What we need to do is figure out the reason that this congregation exists. “We are a church that…” And this reason then must be phrased in such a way that we can measure things against it. That is the point of the mission: to have something to measure against. It is not just a tag line, though it might start off with one. It has to have some meat in it.
So, for example, if one of you has the idea to take our comprehensive sexuality program, OWL, into the community and make classes available, we need to be able to put that up against our mission statement and say “Hmm, is that a match?”
Or if someone wants to turn our social hall into a daytime community center for the homeless, we could put that up against our mission statement and say “Hmm, is that a match?” Is that what we are about as a church?
Without a mission statement to measure against, we are likely to become a mile wide and only an inch deep. The mission statement helps us focus our energy, to go deeper.
The finding the future team needs your input on November 20th after the service to engage in the first step in creating a new mission statement that tells us what we are, because figuring out what we are comes before figuring out where we are going.
But even before figuring out what we are, before figuring out our mission, comes something else: “Where do we come from, what are we, where are we going.”
Where do we come from? Where do you come from? Not what physical location, but what emotional or spiritual location. What is that you find here that brings you back, that feeds you, that nurtures you? What is it that makes you feel whole?
I hope that those of you who have been here for more than a few times have found something here that saves you. Something that, in a world that tells you that you are not enough, that you don’t have enough, that you don’t look good enough, something that allows you to be your hurting, wonderful, human self. Something that speaks to your spirit and tells you you are beautiful, that you are loved, that you are worthy. Something, maybe, that even calls to you – that tells you that you can help create the beloved community, that you can bless the world with your love.
And this is where it starts. Where do you come from?
And so we see, harvesting the power requires that we first know what makes us whole. Then we can figure out what we are about as a community. And only then can we begin to plan where we are going. It takes time. And quite a bit of effort. But we can’t just skip to the chase if we want to achieve a bountiful harvest.
“Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?”
Now, lest you think that I just used this cute song as a structure for my sermon, let me let you in on a little secret. Okay, its not really a little secret. But still, let me let you in on something.
There is a movement afoot. A movement to re-envision how we do church. Not as in “throw the baby out with the bathwater” but more as in “how does the church need to change to remain a viable institution today and into the future?” Because the church, as an institution, was established in a very, very different time.
Unitarian Universalist minister Tony Lorenzo has summarized the work of Doug Pagit on his blog “Sunflower Chalice.” Tony writes:
“The American Church was born in the Agrarian Age. This is the Church of our liberal, congregational ancestors, the Puritans. Everything was based on a parish church and parish was and is a geographic reference.
Denominations were inventions of the Industrial Age with its emphasis on order, being able to make reproducible copies and efficiency.
The megachurch is a product of the Information Age. It is the church of an age of television, shopping malls, shopping online, getting your music in one generation from a record, a CD, and an mp3. Content remains the same but delivery method changes….
Now we are entering the Inventive Age and Marshal McLuhan may have been correct after all, the medium is the message – in fact the medium itself is an essential core value.”
Now, there is a whole sermon in there about these different ages of our culture, about how the church has had to respond and adapt to them, and about where we might end up. A whole different sermon about where the church, as an institution comes from, what it is today, and where it is going. But that is not the sermon for today. The sermon for today is about how this applies to us, today, here at First Unitarian Church. And this is how:
First, those of us in the church need to figure out what makes us whole. What saves us. Or, in seminary terms, what is our soteriology?
This then leads us to reflect on how we want to be in the world: what we are. Or, again, in seminary terms, what is our missiology?
Which, finally, determines how a church organizes itself, what the plan is. What is our ecclisiology?
Soteriology, leads to missiology, which leads to ecclisiology.
Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?
This is how we harvest the power. This is how our separate fires will kindle one flame, the flame of First Unitarian Church. It all starts with each one of us, asking ourselves, what saves me? What makes me whole?
In preparation for the workshop on November 20, and, really, because it is a spiritually healthy thing to do anyway, let us take a moment to begin to consider the following questions. And to make it really handy for you, these are all printed on the insert in your order of service.
- What is it that makes you whole? That saves you?
- What brings you to First Unitarian Church? What keeps you coming back? If you are a visitor, what are you hoping to find here?
- What is the role of the church in your life?
- What does your faith, as a Unitarian Universalist, call you to do/be in the world?
- How can First Unitarian Church best support that call?
Please continue to reflect on these questions in the coming days and weeks as we begin the process of figuing out where we each come from, what we are about as a church, and where we want to go. Soteriology, missiology, ecclisiology.
Gather the spirit, harvest the power. May our separate fires kindle one flame, and may that flame burn brightly, now….and far into the future. May it be so. May we make it so.
occupying a better world. October 23, 2011
Posted by Rev. Dawn in Uncategorized.1 comment so far
By the Rev. Dawn Cooley
Delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on October 23, 2011
The folks gathered came from a variety of walks of life. Some were old, some were young. Some came from affluence, others from poverty. Some were classically educated, others came from the school of hard knocks. But they were all gathered to talk about what matters to them, and to help shape the world in which we live.
Some were familiar with the rules of the gathering, having been there, done that, several times before. Others were new and would feel out the procedures: new business, proposals, points of procedures, points of information.
These rules, everyone knew, were important to ensure that all voices at the table had a chance to be heard and to ensure that the necessary business got done. It is a fine balancing act.
At the end of the gathering, some inspirational words were spoken, the crowd cheered, and the day continued.
So what gathering do you think I am describing? Occupy Louisville? A congregational meeting? Our Unitarian Universalist General Assembly? UN Assembly?
Ideally, I believe I am describing anywhere that democracy is practiced, where democracy can be understood as both the form of government and as the common people of a community as distinguished from the privileged class.
What I am not describing is the way our economic system is run, nor, unfortunately, the way our government is currently run.
And this basic discrepancy is at the core to what is currently called the Occupy movement.
How many of you have heard of Occupy Wall Street? And how many of you feel pretty comfortable explaining it to someone else? I ask because I think this is very important to understand: the Occupy movement is not going away, and as people of faith, and as a religious institution, I believe we have an important role to play. I do not believe that this is something that we can just ignore until it goes away. I believe the Occupy movement is the stuff of peaceful revolution. It has already changed the conversation in Washington, DC and beyond and it has only been active for 5 weeks. What will happen in the next 5 weeks? 5 months? Year?
But I am getting ahead of myself.
According to their literature (which has to be approved by the participants), “Occupy Wall Street is a people-powered movement that began on September 17, 2011 in Liberty Square in Manhattan’s Financial District.”
Occupy Wall Street participants are “fighting back against the corrosive power of major banks and multinational corporations over the democratic process, and the role of Wall Street in creating an economic collapse that has caused the greatest recession in generations. The movement is inspired by popular uprisings in Egypt and Tunisia, and aims to expose how the richest 1% of people are writing the rules of an unfair global economy that is foreclosing on our future.”
What began at Liberty Square is not an isolated resistance movement, but has spread like wildfire across the country and, even, around the world, to over “100 cities in the United States and actions in over 1,500 cities globally.” There is an Occupy Louisville assembly at 6th and Jefferson that started on October 4. How many of you have visited Occupy Louisville in the past 3 weeks? I highly encourage you to stop by sometime. As you heard Gail tell us in our Moment for All Ages, each Occupy Assembly is it’s own unique entity. Decisions such as what sorts of stands to take on issues, approving communications with the public, how to organize, and much more are made through a democratic process of General Assemblies held each day. So each Occupy Assembly has it’s own flavor that is uniquely representative of their own locale.
One of the things you will hear often at any of the Occupy assemblies is that “We are the 99%” This refers to the distribution of wealth and power in the United Sates, where the richest 1% of the population controls 42% of the wealth. The 1% includes the corrupt corporate CEOs who make billions while claiming to not be able to pay a living wage to their workers. The 1% includes the Wall Street executives who have gotten rich on the backs of the 99%, who have somehow ended up with 95% of the debt.
And the 1% is not only the CEOs and Wall Street executives – it also includes our elected officials as well. 50% of congress is made up of millionaires, whereas only 1% of the US population is. In 2009, as many as 55 members of Congress had an average calculated wealth of $10 million or more.
And the 99% are tired of it. Tired of carrying the debt, tired of not being represented in politics. Well, maybe not all the 99% are tired of it, but many of us are. Please understand: being in the 99% is not defined by your politics, not defined by anything you can choose. It is only defined by your financial status: to be in the top 1%, you have to have had a minimum income of $516,000 last year. According to the Washington Post, income is only part of the story. The average wealth of the top 1 percent was almost $14 million. All of us in this room, whether you want to be or not, are in the 99%. And if you somehow are not, I would like to talk to you after the service about increasing your pledge….substantially.
John Stuart Mill said that “Every great movement must experience three stages: ridicule, discussion, adoption.” The Occupy movement has managed to survive the first stage, of ridicule, and so has entered the second stage of discussion. In the course of the discussion, there have been a number of critiques of the Occupy movement. Some might find these critiques annoying at best, misleading at worst, but I think they have an important role to play in understanding the Occupy phenomena, and to assess it’s growing strength and vitality.
The first critique was of the demographic of the people who made up the original Occupy Wall Street assembly. They were all young, the critics said. All students who have taken on tons of student loans, and don’t want to work to repay them. Urban hipsters. Lazy young adults. And that critique has hung out for a while, except that now we know it is not true. Besides students upset at having been falsely told that an education will secure your future (and that of your kids), there are small business owners who want to be able to afford to provide their employees with healthcare. There are single parents angry that they have to decide between spending time with their kids or working 2 jobs to make ends meet. There are retirees upset that their promised pension accounts hav ebeen used and depleted by corporations who used the pensions as pawns in their corporate games. Folks at Occupy assemblies are young and old and everyone in between: students, parents, veterans, former hippies, peace activists, your next door neighbor, black, white, latino, asian, gay, straight and everyone in between. AND it is not just liberal democrats: there are left wing political liberals, of course, but there are also conservatives libertarians and Tea Party members who are tired of “crony capitalism”.
When I visited the Occupy Louisville folks on Friday for their noon general assembly, there were maybe 20 of us there, but the diversity was amazing. In an ongoing self-critique, Occupiers continue to ask themselves how they can remove barriers to participation.
Another early critique was that they didn’t know what they want. Their demands were not clear. Many of us believe that this is not a flaw of the system, but instead is a strength. Without a single leader, who might fail, or a single set of demands, which by their nature will be limited, the Occupy movement has been able to draw people with their own niche issues that they are concerned about. This means broader appeal, which leads to broader participation because every voice has a chance to be heard. And as we pull back the layers, we begin to see how very, very complicated the problem has become.
Similarly, they were critiqued for not offering solutions. This one, frankly, made me shake my head. When has an oppressed body of people who, by definition, do not have the power, when have they been expected to come up with solutions? Does one have to have a fire extinguisher before they can yell out “Fire” in a burning building? But even as I shook my head at what seemed to me to be an unrealistic expectations, solutions are beginning to materialize. Occupy Louisville’s brochure lists 7 different specific reforms that they are currently advocating. And they clearly state that “these demands are a work in progress.” They invite all us us to join them downtown, to share our ideas, and to put them into action. So they are offering solutions, not as a closed set, but as a living proposal that is continuing to be understood, assessed, and reformed. For instance, if you are concerned that your tax dollars might be used to fund a hospital system that must answer to the Pope in Rome, you might head to Occupy Louisville and bring that issue to the stack at General Assembly.
Another critique is that the as the Occupiers rail against corporate greed and corruption, they benefit at least in part from the products of the corporations. A popular picture of the original occupiers was roaming around the internet. The picture labels: hat by J.Crew, shirt by Gap, cameras by Cannon, black marker by Sharpie.
Self proclaimed “Jesus Radical” Nichola Torbet had a blog entry on this that I found fascinating. She writes: “The truth is that we are implicated in everything we indict. Just by virtue of living embedded in a network of social structures that privilege some at the expense of others, we end up participating in oppression, violence, and exploitation.” We demand profitable 401k plans, which means that corporations have to be profitable, which means finding CEOs that are adept at cutting costs.
Torbet does not stop there: “To the extent that our protest movements ignore that, opting instead to present an image of us as the righteous good guys and “them” (in this case Wall Street stockbrokers and corporate execs) as the bad guys who done us wrong, we perpetuate a lie and make ourselves the targets of snide and cynical discrediting.”
Torbet’s solution? A confessing movement, where we can acknowledge our complicity in the very systems and structures that we protest against. Because the Occupy movement, made up of imperfect human beings, is not a perfect system. But, I ask you, if we sit around until such a perfect system exists, don’t you think our butts are going to get damned tired??
Which leads me to why this is relevant to talk about here, from this pulpit.
Oh young and fearless prophet, we sang a few minutes ago, stir up in us a protest against unneeded wealth, for some go starved and hungry who plead for work and health.
This is not some new issue that we are dealing with. This is not some issue that should be relegated to discussions of the secular. This is a religious issue. This is an issue that prophets from times untold have called us to: justice and peace for our fellow human beings.
This is a religious issue, because the word religious means to reconnect, and the issues that the Occupy Movement are crying out about are issues that effect us all – we are linked by them, no matter what our faith tradition, our theology, our politics.
The current system is broken and the beloved community feels far away. Corporate profits and CEO bonuses reach new highs every day, while wages remain low. The gap between the haves and the have nots has grown so wide that 80% of the population of this country has access to only 7% of the wealth.
The current system is broken and the beloved community feels far away. Veterans who fought for the values of our country are coming home to discover that the democracy for which they risked their lives has been co-opted and corrupted by an elite and unaccountable few.
The current system is broken and the beloved community feels far away. Over 200 thousand people in the Louisville area struggle to survive on unemployment – the vast majority of whom crave gainful employment. As Marge Piercy reminds us, the pitcher cries out for water to carry, and a person for work that is real.
The current system is broken and the beloved community feels far away. Higher education, which used to be the solution to climbing the social class ladder, is now out of reach for many Americans. Families everywhere are feeling a economic pinch, and for the first time in our nation’s history, our children will suffer from a lower standard of living than we have.
The current system is broken and the beloved community feels far away. One look at our legal system and you can see how broken we are. The United States is home to 5% of the worlds population, and 25% of the worlds prisoners. Of those prisoners, 70% are people of color. A system is horrible broken when a black homeless man, who stole, and then returned $100, gets 15 years in prison, whereas the white CEO of a mortgage company gets just under 3.5 years for stealing more than $3billion.
The current system is broken and the beloved community feels far away. Even the environment is connected. Environmental activist Bill McKibben wrote “For too long, Wall Street has been occupying the offices of our government, and the cloakrooms of our legislatures…You could even say Wall Street’s been occupying our atmosphere, since any attempt to do anything about climate change always run afoul of the biggest corporations on the planet.”
The current system is broken and the beloved community feels far away. And it is the job of religious communities, of this church, to call us back to our best selves, to call us into connectedness, to call us to create the beloved community. The Rev. Marilyn Sewell reminds us that “The church’s proper role is to stand on the side of the disenfranchised and to call out wrongdoing and injustice in our society. Jesus did not say,” I have come that you might be comfortable.” He said, “I have come that you might have life.””
For years, we Unitarian Universalists have taken the stance that working for a just economy is an important part of our faith. Our own general assemblies have passed statements of conscience and actions of immediate witness that center on economic justice. Our Unitarian Universalist Assocation president and many of our leaders, both lay and professional, are actively participating in and supporting the Occupy movement and call us to join them.
This is a religious issue because it connects us all. We can no longer live in our own little silos and pretend we are safe there. It is up to us to create a more just and compassionate society. But we can not do it and remain comfortable. We have to stretch a little, put ourselves out there, reorder our priorities.
This congregation has a history of being radical. Our esteemed minister, John H. Heywood, was one of the editors of The Examiner, Louisville’s regional antislavery newspaper. He was the only Unitarian minister with slaveholders in his congregation to sign a protest against slavery. Yes, this congregation had slaveholders! And that did not prevent it from taking a stand. In a recent article, editorialist EJ Dionne reminded us that “In their time, the abolitionists were radicals, too.”
I believe this is a defining moment for our country. A time when we can surge forward towards a world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all. A time when what seems like an overwhelmingly complex system that is impossible to change, might, indeed, begin to change.
Will the Occupy Movement be sucessful? Only time will tell. Earlier this week, I was speaking with someone who described herself as sitting on the sidelines during another time in our history when the beloved community seemed so far away, when it was but a dream. In retrospect, she said, she regrets not being more involved. I don’t want to look back in 30 years and wish I had done more. Do you?
It starts small, with individuals who are willing to risk, to put themselves out there and be ridiculed. But then, an amazing thing happens. Momentum picks up because a few more people decide to buck the conventional wisdom that says to take things slow, or to just work harder, orto wait until they have all the answers. They realize that when proper channels don’t work, you need to make new channels! You need to build a new way. And building a new way is complicated – it is an issue for which old solutions, by definition, won’t work.
With learning and exploration, that new way can get stronger, day by day by day. Until the ridicule has turned to discussion, and the discussion has turned to adoption and the movement that once seemed to be so fringe is credited with changing the world as we know it.
May it be so. May we, the 99%, make it so.
confession. October 20, 2011
Posted by Rev. Dawn in Uncategorized.add a comment
Confession is good for the soul.
By the Rev. Dawn Cooley
Delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on October 16, 2011.
I like to begin sermons with stories: touch-points or examples I can refer back to throughout the course of the sermon. For the topic of confession, there are soooo many different stories I could use: stories about marital infidelity, or cheating on a test, lying about something or saying something harmful to someone.So many possibilities!
The problem with telling a story, though, is that if the story does not work for you, you might not realize that the rest of the sermon will work for you – you might think the rest of the sermon is just for people who relate to the story.
So today, I invite you to think of your own story. Think of a situation in your life where your words, thoughts or actions weigh heavy on you. Perhaps it is the cause of anxiety, or feelings of guilt, or feelings of shame. Something for which you feel remorse.
Private – don’t have to share it. Got it? Good. Whenever I need an example, I will ask you to think of your story.
Confession
We have recently started Thematic Ministry here at First Unitarian. Each month will have a different theological, philosophical or cosmological theme that I will preach on at least once in the month. As we get more accustomed to thematic ministry, there will be other ways that we explore the theme, such as in our covenant groups or our adult and children’s religious education programs. This month, the theme is “forgiveness.”
The alignment of Forgiveness with this time of year was not by chance. The Jewish High Holy Days, which begin with Rosh Hashana and end with Yom Kippur, take place in the fall. This year, Yom Kippur was on October 7.
During these days, which are also called the Days of Repentance, Jewish people ask for forgiveness from anyone they have wronged. Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, and is the holiest, most solemn day of the Jewish year.
Last year at this time, I spoke about atonement. I talked about the Jewish process that is involved in repentance and atonement that permits people to erase their mistakes and return to a clean slate. The process begins when we feel remorse, and admit our wrongdoing. Then we resolve to never act in such a way again. We make every effort to right the wrong we have done, by apologizing and asking for forgiveness and by making every effort to relieve the pain and distress we have caused others.
Notice the first step: I must feel remorse and admit my wrongdoing. The first step toward forgiveness and atonement is the act of confession.
Now there are various ways, both religious and secular, to understand confession. One might be the way we heard about in the moment for all ages: the Catholic understanding where a person who has sinned confesses his or her sins to a priest in order to seek absolution. In this Sacrament of Penance, the person who may have been wronged is not in the picture at all. It is all between God, the Preist, and the pentiant. How many of you have experienced the Sacrament of Penance? This is not the type of confession we are talking about this morning, though there are similarities.
Another understanding of confession, in the religious realm, is as a profession of faith or belief. In this type of confession, one repeats scriptures and teachings in such a way as to affirm them. It has nothing to do with wrongdoing or forgiveness. How many of you have had to learn, or creedally affirm, a confession of faith like this? Again, that is not the type of confession we are talking about this morning.
Sometimes, confession is meant as more like a testimony. For example, when I confess that my spouse’s coffee cake is better than the kind my mother used to make, that is less of a confession than it is a personal observation I may or may not feel some remorse about making. Sorry, Mom! Again, not the kind of confession we are talking about this morning.
Instead, the type of confession we are talking about today has religious, spiritual and secular components, and it is outlined in the book Rediscovering Confession: The Practice of Forgiveness and Where it Leads, by therapist and pastoral care professor Dr. David Steere. In the book, Steere points out that there are four dimensions to confession. First, we enter a state of heightened self-awareness. Then we begin to understand what led us to the predicament we are in, and how the path we are on might lead toward hope and reconciliation. As we continue in the process, we experience a growing need to do something meaningful about the situation. And finally, if we follow through on the process, we realize that there is the potential for a spiritual encounter, which make take the form of immense personal growth or may be a reconnecting with something beyond ourselves.
Let’s look at these dimensions of confession more deeply. You may have noticed that these dimenstions are similar to the steps toward repentance and atonement that Jews take at Yom Kippur. That is because components of these four dimensions are found in a variety of religious traditions (such as Judaism and Catholicism) and in secular traditions such as 12-step programs.
Steere tells us that the first dimension of confession usually “arises from a heightened experience of self awareness.”i By this, he means that the ‘depressive triad’ of guilt, shame and anxiety get to the point where we notice them in our consciousness, and that this noticing brings us to a place of heightened self-awareness.ii This is the first step in confessing: being aware of the pain and discomfort that we feel.iii Think of your example this morning. I asked you to think of something that weighs heavy on you, that causes you to feel guilt, shame, or anxiety.
These feelings are part of why we avoid confession. No one likes admitting guilt or shame, either to ourselves, or, even harder, to someone else. Admitting our guilt, our flawed humanity, makes us vulnerable. It can be scary. So we get anxious and avoid it.
In fact, churches are some of the hardest places to admit to our humanity. Steere points out that there is a history of church – specifically mainline protestant churches (the ones to which Unitarian Universalist congregations are most directly related) being particularly difficult places to bring our guilt, shame, and anxiety. People claim that “church [is] not a place where they [can] talk about their guilt or matters of which they [are] deeply ashamed. They may [want] to, but everyone [seems] too ‘tidy’ and dressed up for the messy entanglements of their inner turmoil.”iv
So we keep our inner turmoil to ourselves. Perhaps it even begins to eat away at us, degrading our self-esteem, weighing us down. The cycle feeds on itself: the longer we wait, the harder it becomes to admit our mistake, our guilt, our wrongdoing. The harder it becomes, the more we push it off. Until we are no longer whole human beings, but are shattered fragments. Steere says “the pain of concealment from others is fueled by a growing sense of estrangement – not just from others, but from ourselves and [the Spirit of Life] as well.”v
This is not the way to live, we know that. But that doesn’t make confession any easier. Think about your example again for a moment. How long has it weighed on you? If a substantial amount of time has passed, does that make it hard for you consider admitting your wrongdoing?
It is this discomfort that can help move us into the second dimension of confession – exploring the path that may have led to our wrongdoing. We seek to understand why we acted the way we did, to understand our motivation and to look for how we might make amends. We want to lift this burden off our backs, to claim our humanity, and to make important steps towards atonement. As Steere points out, “What begins in painful self-awareness, when fully explored, points beyond itself to the restoration of wholeness and balance.”vi
The process of confession points beyond itself. It points toward the hope of wholeness, of balance. It points toward the possibility of forgiveness, of atonement…at-one-ment.
This is why confession is such an important element in religious traditions…AND in 12-step programs. Because it is a step toward wholeness and health.
In 12-step programs, confession begins in the fourth step, when one is required to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of oneself. This is not a slow process, this searching and fearless moral inventory. There are whole workbooks devoted to it. This process helps a person to look at why she or he acted the way they did. Not with judgement, but to seek understanding.
Then, in the fifth step, one admits to one’s higher power, to oneself, and to another human being, the exact nature of his or her wrongs.
So here we are: Confession starts with an awareness of feeling guilt or shame. There is both a looking back in our lives for patterns and causality, and a looking forward towards hope for wholeness and forgiveness. And then, we feel the need to do something relevant and meaningful about the situation. This is where action is involved, where we make the confession – where we admit our wrongdoing, our failing.
The entire confessional process can still be stopped at this point. We may get stuck, deny the issue, do nothing, or try not to think about it. These are not relevant, meaningful responses. Instead, a relevant, meaningful response requires that we deal directly with the consequences of our actions. Take responsibility. Own it. We seek to openly confront “estrangement from ourselves and from others, [and] we move into a position where we may learn and grow. A relevant response brings more than release from pain. It creates the possibility of learning firsthand what will prove worthy of our best purposes and efforts.”viiOnly then can we move to the next dimension in the process.
Now the response we receive when we make a confession is extremely important. Steere points out that honest confessions arise “when we feel assured that we will be accepted and understood.”viii This is why people often confess first to a minister or therapist. Because we are trained to be nonjudgmental, to help you process through your emotions and to help you move into the place where you can learn and grow from the experience. But a priest or a therapist is not required. Often, the most relevant response we can make in the process is to make amends directly to the person harmed.
Now, being nonjudgmental is not the same as condoning the behavior. Instead, whenever we make a confession, it means that we “can [begin to] clear the air, continue [our] relationship, and start to deal with the situation at hand.” ix That is key: start to deal with the situation at hand. This means addressing implications or consequences of x our behavior or wrongdoing.
In 12-step programs, steps 8 and 9 are connected to addressing these implications and consequences of a someone’s wrongdoing. In step 8, a person makes a list of the people she or he has harmed, and then becomes willing to make amends. In step 9, a person makes direct amends wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others.
We are all human. We all make mistakes. We hurt each other, intentionally or accidentally. We all need to be forgiven for something, and we all have something we need to forgive. It starts with owning our failings, with claiming them.
When we do, we can begin to move towards the fourth dimension of confession – the potential for a spiritual awakening or deep personal growth. When we move through the other dimensions: heightened self awareness, looking at the path that brought us to where we are, and feeling the need to make a meaningful response and following through on it, we can move toward a clean, unburdened soul, or the wholeness of atonement. At-one-ment with ourselves and with the Spirit of Life and Love.
I invite you, once more, to think about that situation in your life where your words, thoughts or actions weigh heavy on you. Perhaps they cause you anxiety, or feelings of guilt, or feelings of shame. Hold it in your awareness.
Now imagine yourself acknowledging your wrongdoing. What path led you to the situation you are now in? What meaningful action might you take to address the situation? And how might you feel after your confession? Might there be room to move toward forgiveness? Toward atonement? Toward being whole?
Our failings do not make us bad people, they just make us people. Human. And by claiming them, by practicing the ancient art of confession, we can turn our failings into growing edges. What has brought us “anxiety, guilt or shame can lead us to embrace what is authentic and worthy of our belief, our trust, and our devotion.”xi
It is not easy. In fact, it can be quite difficult to confess, or to witness someone’s confession. As Steere reminds us: “How easily we learn to blame, and denounce, and condemn. How profoundly difficult it is to accept what is wrongful in both ourselves and others, and stay in a relationship. Yet our very survival as human beings may depend on it.”xii
Let us join now in a Litany of Atonement, reading #637, which demonstrates to us the power of confession, forgiveness, and atonement. I will read the regular print, I ask you to read the words in italics, the same words repeated each time: We forgive ourselves and each other; we begin again in love. When the litany is complete, we will sit in silence for a few moments before singing our final hymn.
association Sunday. October 4, 2011
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A sermon by the Rev. Dawn Cooley
Delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on October 2, 2011.
This morning, we join with thousands of Unitarian Universalists around the country in celebrating Association Sunday. Since 2007, the Unitarian Universalist Association has asked congregations to participate in annual Association Sundays to recognize and support, both spiritually and materially, the national work of the Association.
Each year, the UUA picks a particular theme for Association Sunday – a theme around which congregations can explore, rally, celebrate. This year, the theme is focused on celebrating our professional ministries. Funds raised from special collections at participating congregations will support the UUA, the Unitarian Universalist Ministers Association, the Unitarian Universalist Musicians Network, the Liberal Religious Educators Association, and other professional organizations. Grants to these organizations will support a range of activities, including scholarships, continuing education, an assessment of our ministries, and other projects that help religious professionals get the ongoing training they need to support thriving congregations.
This topic of training and continuing education for professional ministers is on my mind quite a lot these days. I have the pleasure of working with two professionals – Edward, our Director of Religious Education, and Phillip, our Music Director – who are both amazing to work with. I don’t think any one here would doubt that what they do is ministry. Either of them, if they were to choose, are able to pursue training and credentialing in their area of expertise. But the funds for such training and credentialing are scarce. I appreciate the effort to raise the funds for grants for such endeavors.
Additionally, I am aware of how I benefit from such ongoing training. This January, I was able to attend a week of continuing education with my ministerial colleagues – a week where I learned about leadership, where I celebrated worship daily, where I was challenged, and learned, and grew in my ministerial presence and understanding.
And finally, today is important to me for a reason that, perhaps, many of you are not yet aware of. A few weeks ago, Meadville Lombard Seminary – our Unitarian Universalist Seminary in Chicago – informed me that a new student had requested that I be his teaching pastor as he begins his seminary education. I met with the student and agreed to work with him. I had amazing mentors throughout my formation, and I can only hope to be as good of a mentor to him.
Meadville’s model is for each student to have a teaching pastor that walks with them through the journey that is our ministerial formation process. In this, the first year, my role as teaching pastor is to help the student process and reflect on what he is learning and experiencing – to help him go deeper. In the second year, you will see him around the church as he observes the life of the church. In the third year, he will do a part-time internship here.
Part of the funds we donate today will also be available help this student and others to pay for necessary endeavors on the road to ministry such as the career evaluation he will undertake after his first year of seminary is complete.
I am excited to embark on this role as a mentor. My experience here with you has helped me to deepen my understanding of ministry in ways that I want to share.
While I cannot speak to excellence in professional ministry in religious education or music ministry, I do feel that I can speak to excellence in ministry in the congregation. Not because I always embody such excellence myself, which I think most of us ministers do sometimes and don’t others – but because it is something that I myself strive for.
But how to speak on this? To stand up here and lecture about excellence in ministry feels neither productive, nor celebratory. As Jill read in the reading by Gordon McKeeman, ministry is based on a quality of relationship. And so what I share with you this morning is a letter, written to anyone who may be hearing a call to ministry.
Dear One,
For the past fifteen years, I have been a lay leader, or a professional leader, in Unitarian Universalist congregations. And most of that time, I was somewhere in between – in a land that you are about to enter – the land of ministerial formation. I have been privileged to be in a variety of ministry settings along the way: a mid-sized suburban congregation, an urban humanist congregation, a minister-led fellowship in a university town, a small fellowship in a college town, a hospital chaplain, working for a district, and now the minister of an historic urban congregation.
These different ministerial settings have each formed my understanding of ministry, and of what it means to be a minister. You see, the day to day tasks of many of these ministerial settings were often different. As a chaplain, I would visit patients in times of dire need, and would never see them when things were going well in their lives. In the suburban congregations, I never had to consider how to deal with the homeless people who might want to find a safe place to spend the night. In the humanist congregation, the sermons were 25 minutes long at a minimum and at the small fellowship they liked them even longer.
Each ministerial setting had different tasks, different priorities. But no matter what the ministerial setting, there were certain things that remained consistent. Skills of the heart, if you will, that they don’t teach you in seminary but that you will need to be an effective minister.
For instance, there are three things that you will want to get used to saying: “Thank you”, “I don’t know”, and “I’m sorry.”
The best way to not take someone for granted is to tell them “Thank you.” Thank you for being on the RE ministry. Thank you for filling in for a worship associate in the last minute. Thank you for sharing your concerns with me. Thanking someone lets them know that they matter – and as their minister, you want them to know that they matter to you – because they do. Ministry is not something that can be done alone – it is relational.
“I don’t know” is another important phrase. Often, in seminary, I think we are taught that we should know the answers. And we often don’t. We might not know the author, or the poem, or the systematic theologian’s name. These are the easy ones, for if we don’t know them, we often know where to find the information. The harder ones are often process related. What is the healthiest way for the church to make a decision on going to two services? Should the abuse victim confront her abuser on his deathbed? We don’t always know the answer, and it builds trust to let people know that. Not knowing something is not a weakness – pretending we have all the answers is.
Connected to this is saying “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry that I left your name out of the volunteer list. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry if I came across as not paying attention to you. “I’m sorry” goes a long way in ministry. And trust me, you will have to say it a lot. We ministers are not perfect, just as no human being is. We make mistakes. And when we own our mistakes, it helps to build the trust that is necessary in a ministerial relationship. Plus, it models to others what it means to be strong and vulnerable at the same time.
And there is another kind of sorry. I’m sorry that you have such sorrow in your life right now. I’m sorry your loved one died. There are many times when, as a minister, you will be let into the most intimate of details of people’s lives. Nine times out of ten, they are not asking you to fix the problems, they are asking you to join them so that they don’t feel so alone. Sitting in silence after offering a simple “I am so sorry for your loss” can be the most healing thing you might do for someone.
If you want to be the kind of minister who transforms minds, hearts and lives, these are the things that matter. It doesn’t matter if you have the book of Psalms memorized, or all of Mary Olivers poems. What matters is how you relate to the people that you minister to. Which means that you will want to be prepared to be transformed in this formation process and then transformed more in your continuing ministry. Just get used to transforming 
It doesn’t just stop once you have graduated and been fellowshipped. That’s my newest learning – that I am continuing to be transformed, to be shaped by this vocation. The sermon I give on ministry today is not the sermon I gave last year, and it is not the one that I will give five years from now.
The excerpt I read from Mendelsohn also mentions power, and responsibility. This reminds of me the comic book Spider Man, when Uncle Ben advises Peter Parker that “With great power comes great responsibility.” Ministry is like that, though at times it may feel like you have no power at all, much less great power. It is much easier to remember that you will always have responsibility – lots of responsibilities. But you do have power. A harsh word from you can burn and sear into a person’s heart in a way that a harsh word from a fellow congregant would not. And it is up to you to decide what sort of power you will have: will you not be content unless you have power over people – such that you control the plan and outcome? If so, I recommend that you consider a different calling. Even if the ministerial setting you end up in is structured so that the minister is in the CEO model, you will not have power over people, and when you forget this, they may remind you by negotiating your termination.
You can, and should, however, have power with. This is the kind of power that builds relationships, creates alliances – whether it is with lay leaders, or the other professional staff at the hospital you work at, or with the oppressed who need your strength of leadership.
Power is not to be confused with authority, which is something that is hotly discussed in the ministerial formation process. Ministerial authority is one of the things that our credentialing bodies look for in a candidate for ministry, but that cannot be taught. It has to be claimed. Try as our credentialling body might, it is not something that is easily defined, but people know it when they see it.
From what I can tell, it looks like someone who is grounded. Who knows in their body, mind and soul that this is what they were called to do. Someone who has found their groove. Perhaps you have heard by now the oft-repeated adage “If you can do anything else, do it, don’t do ministry.” I have always chaffed against this, because there are lots of things that I could do – as I am sure there are for you as well. Instead, I prefer the question: Can the fullness of who you are live in this vocation? Can the fullness of who you are live in this vocation?
For a long and healthy career in ministry, the answer has to be yes, because ministry is hard work. And if you have to spend valuable time and energy squashing down a piece of yourself, you are going to wear out very, very quickly. It is essential that you take care of yourself. It is not the tasks of ministry that are so difficult, though there are many of them. Instead, it is hard because of how many things that will weigh on your heart and your soul. Things that you can never put down, even when you are not actively working. Things like the pain and suffering of the family of a dying person, the stories of the abuse victim, the awareness that every Sunday morning you are expected to get into the pulpit and say something that matters. And really, you are never really off the clock – a part of you will jump every time the phone rings, particularly after 9pm. Is everyone okay? This all weighs on you, always, even if you aren’t consciously thinking of it. It is absolutely essential to find ways to take care of your whole self – mind, body and spirit.
One of the best ways to take care of yourself is to make collegial friends who understand. I have a pretty good imagination, and people would tell me how lonely ministry is, but I didn’t get it. So just take my word for it: it is lonely. But having good relationships with your colleagues makes the loneliness less so. Go to collegial gatherings as soon as they will let you.
And, perhaps most importantly, as lonely as you may be, remember that you are not alone in caring for your congregation. As Mendelsohn said in our reading, great congregations and skilled ministers create one another. In our tradition, ministry is not just the job of the ordained professional. It is also the job of the congregation. It can be hard to figure out what ministry is best left to the lay leaders, and what is best for the professional to handle. So remember those three phrases (Thank you, I don’t know, and I’m sorry), and add “Help me.” And your congregation will help you to help them. Reach out to them, and build those bridges.
You have a long journey ahead of you – perhaps not in terms of physical time, but in how far you will likely travel in terms of your self-awareness and your formation. It will most likely be bumpy, which may not be a bad thing at all. You may even come to the conclusion that this is not the road for you, or not the road for you right now. And that is okay, too, because you will have been better for the time you traveled on it. Regardless, may your journey in this land of formation be fruitful, may you get lost only enough as you need to, and, when you make it to the other side, may you realize the journey has just begun.
the story. September 27, 2011
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Here is the wonderful piece done by Adam Lefkoe and Michael Driver at WHAS. It is now available on YouTube.
This one is sooooo much better than the shortened piece that CNN used. It tells a rich story and isn’t going for sensationalism.
turning an ocean liner. September 25, 2011
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Why it Still Matters, by the Rev. Dawn Cooley
Delivered at First Unitarian Church, Louisville, KY on September 25, 2011.
This past Friday morning, I was at Highland Baptist Church for a Faith Leaders for Fairness forum co-sponsored by Louisville Fairness and by HRC, the Human Rights Campaign.
HRC is an advocate for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender equal rights in this country, and they were here in Kentucky with their “On the road to equality” cross-country bus tour.
It was nice to connect with other ministerial colleagues who support GLBTQ rights. And it was nice to see so many First U folks there – possibly more than from any other congregation.
I was there to co-lead a workshop in the second half of the morning. That workshop was about moving from ally to advocate, and my co-leader was the Rev. Derek Penwell, of Douglass Blvd. Christian Church.
But before our workshop, there was a panel discussion with the lofty title of “Assessing the Louisville Faith Community’s Opportunities, Challenges and Self-Interest with Regard to LGBT Inclusion and Advocacy.” I thought it sounded pretty meaty, and I was looking forward to learning something. And I suppose I did, but not what I was expecting…
There were 4 panelists. All were men. 3 were white men, all of whom were past or at least pushing 50. There was one African American pastor. One Rabbi from Reform Judaism. 2 of the men self-identified as gay, while the other two didn’t say anything – a right usually reserved for the heterosexual. No women. All four representing Biblically based faiths.
Really?
One of the panelists talked about the struggle he had with his congregation – how he came from a church that could make strong, quick movements and he was now leading what felt like an ocean liner. And he talked about how hard it can be to turn an ocean liner.
My heart went out to him, and I thought about something I read recently in Anne Braden’s memoir “The wall between.” She talks about her experience with Civil Rights in the 1950s and beyond, and how when she and her husband Carl purchased a house for an African American family, they were chastised even by their progressive peers as moving too fast, of not taking it slow. And yet, she observes, it is doubtful that the Civil Rights era would have occurred had not a few people risked taking giant leaps forward rather than being content to simply take one slow step at a time.
Sometimes, in order to turn the ocean liner, you have to go slow and be patient. And other times, it helps to have someone leap in and help push the ocean liner a long a bit faster.
US activist, writer, and founder of the Catholic Workers movement, Dorothy Day wrote this:
People say, what is the sense of our small effort. They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time. A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that. No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless. There’s too much work to do.
A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples. And we can’t always predict what those ripples will be. I know, that back in June, when this congregation passed a resolution asking me to stop signing marriage licenses until civil marriage is a civil right in Kentucky, I know we weren’t thinking that in the fall there would be an opportunity for me to represent this church as an interfaith voice at a workshop about how to move from ally to advocate. And yet, the reason that I, a heterosexual female minister of a non biblically-constrained tradition. had been invited into the conversation with HRC was a direct ripple of that June action.
What other ripples are out there, perhaps gaining force? Why does what we did in June still matter today, at the end of September?
In order to answer these questions, we first should learn, or refresh our memory as to what happened in June. It was our annual meeting, and at the very end, when we have a section for new business, a resolution was brought before the congregation. The resolution read: “We, the members of First Unitarian Church, request that the minister of First Unitarian Church shall decline to sign Kentucky marriage licenses until such time as Kentucky ceases to discriminate against same sex couples with respect to civil marriage.”
Perhaps unlike many of you, I was prepared for this resolution. The people who brought it forth had talked with me about it, gotten my input and my thoughts. I had had time to do some reflection and discernment. And I had committed that, should the congregation pass the resolution, I would comply.
I appreciated the conversation that I had with the advocates for this resolution. Unlike many of my Unitarian Universalist colleagues, I had not already taken this stance on my own. In fact, for a while I was against such actions, thinking it was not fair to deny one group a right in order that it may be granted to others. But in truth, I hadn’t thought a whole lot about it – other things demanded my time and energy and thought. Until that Sunday afternoon in June. Because suddenly, I found myself at the microphone, explaining why this was so important. I startled myself with my passion. Suddenly, I got it. I grokked it, I understood at the deepest core of my being: participating in an unjust institution when one has the choice not to is, in effect, perpetuating the unjust institution.
Let me say that again: participating in an unjust institution when one has the choice not to is, in effect, perpetuating the unjust institution.
The institution of marriage has changed vast amounts over the centuries. We know this. Civil marriage grants hundreds of rights to couples simply because they happened to be lucky enough to have been born with a preference for a mate of the opposite sex. This is not just. And most of you probably do think that civil marriage is a civil right, that we will get there soon – within the next 25 years at the most. Probably sooner now that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell has been repealed. So what does refusing to sign a marriage license do, other than deny heterosexual couples the right to the benefits of civil marriage?
Signing a marriage license is the only time that the state recognizes clergy as acting on its behalf. It is the only time the church and the state are still egregiously entangled. But I have a choice as to which couples for whom I officiate at their wedding. I cannot be compelled against my will to officiate at any wedding, same sex or not. It is my choice. My faith tradition and my conscience agree that I can officiate at weddings for heterosexual couples and for same-sex couples.
But for heterosexual couples, I have an additional choice. After the wedding is over, I can choose to fill out a piece of paper and send it into the state, thereby guaranteeing these couples all those extra rights and tax breaks that other, same-sex couples cannot have. I choose whether to sign the license or not. I can choose to participate in the civil aspect of marriage by signing their license, or I can choose not to. I can choose participate in an unjust institution, or I can choose not to. You, the congregation, asked me to make a choice, and to stop perpetuating an unjust institution. And I did.
The ripples started immediately. The board notified the congregation, and immediately the press picked up on it. Following in the footsteps of Douglass Blvd Christian Church, who had done something similar back in April, the press speculated if this was something that might pick up steam. Many of our own members wondered what the effects would be.
There was a bit of negative push-back from the public, mostly from people who don’t have much familiarity with Unitarian Universalism. Then the story was picked up by media outside Louisville. I think they might have been thinking how interesting it is that this was going on in Kentucky, of all places. And I started getting these emails saying Thank You. Some of them, so emotional. Thank you for being an advocate. Thank you for pursuing justice. Thank you for standing with me, for reminding me that I am not alone.
I have heard that some people, both outside and inside the BGLTQ community, don’t see what the point is, and think that, at its best, this was a benign action, at its worst, a futile effort. That it doesn’t really matter that we took this stance. But it does matter. It matters to the people who sent me those notes. It matters to me, because my conscience is now clear. And the ripples go so much further that that.
Religious institutions have inflicted a lot of harm on BGLTQ people. Whether this particular institution did or not is of almost no consequence – BGLTQ folks are often afraid to come to church because they are afraid they will get told how terrible they are. Taking the stand we took says that this congregation is not like that – we are not just advocates, we are out and PROUD advocates for GLBTQ rights.
It matters because GLBTQ youth are bullied at a higher rate than heterosexual, gender conforming youth, and their suicide rates are heartbreakingly high. Our stance says to our youth, and to GLBTQ youth elsewhere, that we believe that you should have the right to get married and we will push this ocean liner along so that it will happen in YOUR lifetime, not in your children’s lifetime.
It matters because we live in a hetero-normal society – meaning that heterosexual people don’t have to claim their sexual orientation because heterosexuality is assumed to be the norm. Our stance says that gay and lesbian couples are normal, too. This one, in particular, hits home for me because, recently, when I was doing a wedding for a lesbian couple, I heard myself say “Normally, we would…” And I stopped, caught myself. I don’t think they realized what I had said, but I realized. And it hurt ME. Society tells us that gay and lesbian weddings are not normal. But they are. And so it matters that we say that they are normal and so, all weddings should be treated equally. And so we will TREAT all weddings equally.
It matters because no one used to talk about being gay, or lesbian, or bisexual. And taking a stance on gay marriage gets people talking. It even gets them speculating about Bert and Ernie’s relationship. It brings it into the mainstream conversation.
It matters because Rev. Penwell and Douglass Blvd know that they are not alone. And it matters because he and I are beginning to talk about forming a coalition with other clergy advocates in town and perhaps beyond – a conversation that never would have happened. This matters because it was a clergy coalition that led the march to marriage equality in Washington, DC.
It matters because when marriage equality comes to Kentucky, religious leaders will HAVE to be involved.
And it matters because we don’t know what other ripples we might have sent out. It has not even been six months, and we have already seen some. What else might be lurking under the surface? It matters.
Now, some of you might be sitting there, thinking this is just another pep talk. Another sermon about GLBTQ issues and aren’t we already a welcoming congregation, and don’t we have a great banner out front that says “Civil Marriage is a Civil Right” and didn’t we already pass this resolution – why do we have to talk about what I already know. And that’s fine if you are asking yourself that. We know that everyone processes at different speeds, and that it takes multiple times hearing something in order for it to sink in, that we are at different places along the advocacy spectrum. That there are new folks here.
So let me ask you: Now what? What is the next action this congregation might take to make this beloved community more safe and welcoming for GLBTQ folks? How can we be a more vocal advocate for marriage equity in Kentucky and in the United States? What is the next step we can take to continue to bring the issue of BGLTQ rights into the mainstream conversation – to make it so that no presidential hopeful would EVER allow a gay soldier to be booed? It still matters. Yes, the ocean liner is turning in the direction of rights, but sometimes it needs a push, despite the voices that caution “Go slow.” Sometimes, an important cause needs someone willing to risk a giant leap, and then reach back to pull the rest up front.
As Dorothy Day reminds us, no one has the right to feel hopeless – there is too much work to do. What is the next brick we will lay? What is the next step we will take?
ministry and roller derby. September 23, 2011
Posted by Rev. Dawn in Uncategorized.3 comments
A hearty welcome to all of you who have come here, looking for more information about me, the Rev. Dawn Cooley, also known as “Liv Fearless”.
Maybe you saw the wonderful piece our local news folks did, or read about it on facebook, or saw it on CNN.com. To be honest, I am humbled by how many of you have seen it and been inspired, or have reached out to connect with me. Thank you, and yes, I am crying again. I do that quite a lot, as my congregation will tell you.
I thought it would be a good idea to give you more information about my church and my team. So here you go! Also, if you are interested in the sermon I wrote for that service, you can get to it at: http://revdawn.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/answering-yes-to-life/
I skate as “Liv Fearless” for the Derby City Roller Girls. My bootcamp started in March 2010, so I am pretty new at this but I have taken to it like a fish to water. I love it. I love my teammates, I love the physicality of it, I love it. Its not all roses, of course – hanging out with a bunch of strong women creates conflict and tension, but we all are in it together and that sure goes a long way. We are in our training season right now, so I don’t have a game schedule to share with you yet, but I can tell you we are working hard to pull together some fun activities for those of you who might be in town.
I am a Unitarian Universalist minister and I serve First Unitarian Church in Louisville, KY. My congregation has been in Louisville since 1830 – it was one of the first churches in the town! We are a liberal religious congregation made of people from all walks of life. We welcome everyone, without regard to theological preference, sexual or gender orientation, race, age, culture, ability level, education level, socio-economic class….EVERYONE! I love that our fellowship/coffee hour after the service will have a president of a university talking with someone who currently lives in a shelter, a Wiccan chatting it up with an Athiest, a 5th grader getting coffee for one of our octogenarians.
We are a member congregation of the Unitarian Universalist Association. If you’re interested in the exciting, free faith tradition known as Unitarian Universalism, visit our Association’s web site at www.uua.org.
And if you are interested in learning more about me, well, you found my blog so have fun checking it out! And feel free to contact me if you have more questions.
